murphy eats crab

Posted: January 27, 2014 in Between the lines, Humor, Morality, Truth and Grace
Tags: , , ,

joes crabshackMurphy (the non-disciple) and his family are eating ‘al fresco’ outside Joe’s Crab Shack on Augustus Avenue in Caesarea. As they’re eating, Jesus sees them, stops by, and pulls up a chair–orders a Coke to go. As they sit in the shade of the awning a pharisee, Ben Zadrene, and two scribes pass by.

Zadrene (stopping, pointing at Murphy and his family): YOU are going straight to hell!

The scribes are startled and scoot behind Zadrene with eyes wide open.

Murphy (looking up): Say what?

Zadrene: I said, YOU. are. going. straight. to. hell.

Murphy (smiling): I’ve heard that before, but why’re you sending me to hell?

Zadrene (wagging his finger): First, you are a gentile. Second, you are eating crab legs–hell spiders from the bottom of the sea!

Murphy: Whoa! Settle down, partner. It’s just a bit a crab dipped in butter–no harm here–best food on the planet.

Zadrene (looking toward heaven): Deuteronomy 14:10! “Anything that does not have fins and scales you MAY NOT EAT!”

Murphy: Well, how ’bout that! Jesus, is this true?

Jesus (gazing at Zadrene): Where you headed, Ben Zadene?

Zadrene (frowning): Ah! You know me! Well, I’m completely clean today. I’m going to the synagogue and then to the Herod’s Forum to pray out loud in front of the unclean heathen by the fountain–may God’s justice be done when they burn in hell.

Jesus (smiling, stands and walks over, takes Zadrene’s hand and puts a crab claw in it): How clean are you now?

Zadrene (violently throwing the crab claw down): Doggone it! You just uncleaned me! You, sir, have totally ruined my day AND you are going to hell, too!

Murphy smiles and scoots his bench back. The scribes step back, too.

Jesus: Ben Zadrene, if you knew who you were talking to, you wouldn’t say that. Your heart is full of crabmeat. I’m tempted to make your legs grow together.

Zadrene (sputtering indignantly): What?! Who do you think you are?

Jesus (holding out his hand to shake): I’m Jesus, Son of God. Messiah first class.

Zadrene (heatedly): Ha! You’re a crabmeat toucher! Impossible!

Jesus (sighing): Yeah, you’re right. You’ll never get it, (turning to Murphy and his family) I’m headed down to the port to see Peter and the guys. Catch you later. Bye y’all.

Jesus walks off.

Zadrene (angrily stomps his foot): Well, I never!

Murphy: Bud, you came real close to havin’ your legs growed together.

Tr8: Don’t be superficial and judgmental. Clean the inside of the cup, then the outside.

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