jesus heals blind roy

Posted: March 19, 2014 in Between the lines, Fractured Bible stories, Humor, Truth and Grace
Tags: , , , ,

RoyIt’s the Sabbath. Jesus is walking north on the Dead Sea Road (a main thoroughfare) into Jerusalem with his followers. He’s moving up the valley toward the Fountain Gate and Dung Gate outside the southwestern wall of the Old City of David. Herod’s Temple is at the top of the valley. The road is cobblestone and on his right is the Pool of Siloam. As they pass into the city they pass a beggar, Roy, who was blind from birth.

Peter: Jesus, who sinned, him or his parents, to make him blind?

Jesus: Sin’s not the problem. He’s blind so God can work through him–to make darkness light. He’s going to see me. We have to work in the light. In darkness no one can work (touching Roy’s shoulder). While I’m here, I am the light of the world.

Kneeling, Jesus spits in his palm and mixes some dirt in to make some mud. He puts it on  Roy’s eyes.

Nathaniel: Jesus, that doesn’t look too clean…

Jesus (looking at Nate and rolling his eyes): Roy, go over and wash in pool. Murphy, give him a hand.

Jesus continues up the street. Murphy, the non-disciple, takes Roy by the elbow and leads him the short distance to the pool. Roy washes…color explosion! The first thing he sees is Murph grinning ear to ear with his hand up. Roy looks, then holds his hand up, too. Murph gives him a high five. Roy looks around the pool…

Roy: I can see!!!

Roy runs west a block to his home and shouts until neighbors gather. Murphy follows.

Roy (joyously): Hey, everyone! I can see!!!

Mr. Issacson (to Mr. Jacobson): Hey, isn’t he Roy, the blind beggar?

Jacobson: Looks like Roy, but he’s not blind. Must not be him.

Roy (coming to them):  Mr. Jacobson, it’s me!

Issacson: He does look like Roy. A lot.

Roy (dancing): Mr. Issacson. I. Am. Roy.

Jacobson (scratching his head, turning): If you are, why aren’t you blind?

Issacson: Yeah.

Roy: A guy called Jesus put mud in my eyes and told me to wash and then I could see.

Issacson (frowning): So, where is he?

Roy (emphatically): I don’t know. I WAS BLIND! Guess he left.

Issacson: I thought the Sabbath was for watching football, not healing. We’ll get to the bottom of this.

The neighbors grab Roy and haul him to the local Pharisees.

Pharisees: How did you receive your sight?

Roy (grinning, pointing to his eyes): A guy called Jesus put mud in my eyes, I washed, and now I can see!

Pharisees: What?!

Roy (excitedly): Yes! I can…

Pharisee Leader (angrily): NOT on the Sabbath! This can’t be from God! It’s the Sabbath! There’s football on! Only sinners and NFL players work on the Sabbath.

Roy (surprised): …I can see…

Another Pharisee: Hang on. How can such a miracle come from a sinner? It’s not even halftime.

Pharisees (turning to Roy): What about Jesus? Where did he go? It was your eyes that were opened, right?

Roy (nodding): I. WAS. BLIND. I didn’t see him. I guess he’s a prophet.

Leader (frustrated, stomping his foot): Liar! Get his parents.

The neighbors go and return with the Roy’s parents.

Leader: Is this your son? You say he was born blind? How is it he sees, now?

Parents (afraid the Pharisees were about to kick them out of the synagogue because they hated Jesus): Yes, Rabbi, this is our son, Roy. And we know he was born blind, but we don’t know anything about why he can see. Ask him, he’s legal age, he can speak for himself.

Leader (taking notes): Call the beggar back in.

Roy: Rabbi?

Leader (pointing his finger): Give glory to God and forget this Jesus business. We know he’s a sinner.

Roy (holding up his hands): Whether Jesus is a sinner or not, I can’t say. All I know is, I was blind, now I see.

Leader: What did he do? How did he open your eyes?

Roy (smiling): Hello? Weren’t you listening a moment ago? Aren’t you taking notes? Are you wanting to become Jesus’ disciple, too?!

Leader: Look, smartypants, you’re just a dirty, lying, begging, Sabbath-breaking-fool. What are you doing getting healed on the Sabbath, anyway? You should have been at home listening to football. Don’t sass us! You lousy, no-good, blaspheming, porker!

Other Pharisees (angrily yelling insults): Yeah, clueless idiot! Beggar! Pinhead! Liar! Blind man! Football hater!

Leader (shaking his finger at Roy): Just as I expected. YOU are Jesus’ disciple! But WE are disciples OF MOSES! We KNOW God spoke to Moses–we don’t even know where Jesus came from.

Roy (laughing): Unbelievable! You ‘re worried about where Jesus is from! HE OPENED MY EYES! Are you idiots?! We know God doesn’t listen to sinners, he listens to godly people who do his will. Who has even heard of someone opening the eyes of a person blind from birth! If Jesus weren’t of God, could he do this (pointing to his eyes)?

Leader (indignantly): You are a bucket of sin, blinded at birth! How dare you lecture us!

The Pharisees grab Roy and throw him out of the synagogue. Murphy finds Jesus in the Temple and relates the story. Jesus rounds up his disciples and heads back to Roy. A crowd gathers around Jesus as he approaches Roy.

Jesus: Roy, do you believe in the Son of Man?

Roy: Who is he, sir? Tell me, so I can believe.

Jesus: You’re looking at him, in fact, I AM.

Roy (nodding, looking into Jesus’ eyes): I believe you! Lord, have mercy on me!

Jesus (to the crowd): I have come to make the blind see, and those who see, blind.

Pharisee (whispering): What?! Is he going to blind us?! We’re blind?!

Jesus (hearing them): Roy sees me and SEES God–he has sight. You see me, but don’t SEE me–you are blind–your guilt remains. You are blind guides.

Tr8: See Jesus; see God. Don’t see Jesus; don’t see God. It’s that simple.

Very loosely based on John 9

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