things no one says

Posted: April 11, 2014 in Humor, Morality, Sexuality
Tags: , , ,

ants

  1. We need more ants!
  2. This dress shirt needs puffier sleeves and longer lapels.
  3. I wish my circumference exceeded my height.
  4. I wish everyone wore spandex.
  5. I wish church lasted just a few hours longer.
  6. I hope my daughter gets to sleep with a lot of guys.
  7. I wish my husband would have an affair.
  8. Who needs toilet paper?
  9. If there is a god, I’m smarter than he is.
  10. I hope this marriage doesn’t last.
  11. Son, you’re going to have to try harder if you want to get into prison.
  12. We want our kids to try all the drugs they can get their hands on.
  13. I hope you are a smoker when you get older.
  14. You respect me too much.
  15. Well, you are a teenager–we need to start working on your addictions.
  16. Hey, Son, this is called pornography and I hope it becomes a big part of your life.
  17. Sweetheart, it’s prom night! You need to be showing a whole lot more skin.
  18. Son, try on this dress. It matches your heels.
  19. Honey, you can never have too many tattoos.
  20. Don’t worry about education or a job in the future–just have fun!
  21. Hey, kiddo! Maybe someday you’ll get cancer, too!
  22. You need to talk more to strangers about your sexuality.
  23. I hope this business relationship ruins my family.
  24. As I look back, I spent too much time with my kids when they were young.
  25. I don’t want to be loved.
  26. Remember, my point-of-view is way more important than you.
  27. Honey, I hope you grow up to trust no one and become a paranoid loner.
  28. Aliens made me do that.
  29. It’s better to be right than kind.
  30. Walk as close to the edge as you can, kids.

 

Tr8: If you wouldn’t wish it on your child, don’t do it.

Feel free to add more in comments.

 

 

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