Archive for October, 2014

baconSim and Bart sit by the lake watching their pigs forage.

Sim: Were you at the game last night?

Bart: Missed it.

Sim: Ramot won in extra innings. Ben-bar-Ben hit a two-run walk-off homer in the 11th.

Bart: Who pitched for us?

Sim: Juan Valdez relieved Pedro Sanchez, but he couldn’t pull it off.

Bart: Hmmm.

As they watch their pigs begin to hop and chase their tails.

Sim (surprised): What in the world?!

Bart (in wonder): Our pigs are dancing!

Sim: Dancing pigs! There’s denari in this! I bet people would pay to see pigs dance!

Bart (excitedly): Yeah, I’ve never seen anything like this. Look! They’re all starting to run in a circle together!

Sim: And listen to ’em squeal and bark!

Bart: Looks like Momma Sow is in the lead.

Sim: Who’d’a thought she could run like that?!

Bart: Hang on…where’re they goin?

Sim: Whoa! Pigs! Sooee! Sooee!

Bart: They’re headin’ for the lake!

Sim and Bart run after the pigs, yelling for them to stop. The whole herd goes head-first off a bluff into the lake. Sim and Bart stop at the edge and look down.

Bart (gulping): Them pigs committed mass suicide.

Sim (wide-eyed): Holy smoke… Come on. I think we’re in trouble.

Bart turns and heads into town. Sim follows. When they reach the town square they shout and a crowd gathers.

Bart: Listen everybody! Our whole herd of pigs started dancing and then ran into the lake! They committed mass suicide!

Town elder: You guys sound like Crazy Jimbo. Show me what happened.

The elder and townsfolk follow Bart and Sim out to the bluff. They look down. Pigs are washing up on the shore below.

Elder: What in tarnation? Has anyone seen any witches?

John (a teenager): There’s a team of guys docked about an hour ago. I thought they were the ball team from Capernaum here to play tonight.

Sim: No, that game’s tomorrow night.

Elder: Let’s check this out.

They all follow the elder toward the landing. They walk past the tombs cut into the bluff.

Bart: Look out for Crazy Jimbo. He was throwing rocks at Sim and me yesterday.

They pass through the tombs without incident and come to the landing. There they see a group of men sitting with Crazy Jimbo roasting fish.

Elder: What’s the meaning of this? Who are you and what is Jimbo doing here?

Peter: This is Jesus and we are his disciples. He’s the Messiah from God and he just cast a bunch of demons out of Jimbo and they went into a bunch of pigs up on the bluff. Pretty amazing stuff. This man here, is for real.

Elder: What? He wiped out a whole herd of pigs just like that? Who’s going to replace the pigs?

Jesus: Don’t you see? Jimbo was lost, but now he is found. He was crazy, but now he is back. You can walk through the tombs without fear now. You can get more pigs.

Elder: But what about our bacon? We love bacon! We want our bacon back.

Jimbo: This man, Jesus, saved me!

Elder (eyebrow raised): This is a fine mess you’ve gotten us into. Why didn’t you just straighten up and come home yourself? You’ve cost us a year’s worth of pigs.

Jimbo: The spirits living in me wouldn’t let go and I was too weak. Jesus spoke and they left. I’m a new man. We should take him and his men into town and have a feast! He can heal everyone at the gate!

Elder: Feast?! We now have a bacon shortage!

Jesus: I understand your wanting bacon, but your brother, Jimbo, is whole again. He can return to his family and open his shop again. I can also heal your sick. I’d like to come to town and show you all there’s more to life than your appetites. Appetites are the doorway to addictions and addictions are spirits who won’t let go easily.

Elder: I think not. Next thing we know you’ll have our cats jumping outa trees, turn our wine into water and cigarettes into celery. AND we are facing a year without bacon! You and your lot can get back on your boat and go where you came from.

Crowd (affirming their elder): Yeah! We want our bacon back! Go away! Go away!

Jesus (regretfully): So be it. We’ll leave.

Jesus and his disciples get back in their boat and sail away.

Jimbo (raising his voice): You’ve just sent away the best thing that every happened around here. If he could do this for me, think what he could have done for the folks back in town. The Messiah was here and you sent him away!

Elder: We’ve gotten along well enough without him. We have to find a way to get more bacon. Maybe we can get some pigs from over in Ramot.

The elder and townsfolk march back up the hill to town. The elder’s mother sits on a piece of sackcloth at the gate begging for alms. She is blind. Others around the gate are also begging. The crowd moves on into town. Jimbo stops at the gate and begins helping the beggars.

Tr8: Don’t let your appetites and addictions push Jesus away. Your pigs may commit suicide, but you’ll be better off in the end.

Luke 8:26-39