sack lunch

Posted: May 22, 2015 in Between the lines, Humor, Murphy
Tags: ,

Peanut-Butter-JellyJesus: Okay, who has the sack lunch Salome sent?

Peter: I think Murph has it. He’s back there askin’ Judas to cash a check for him.

John (yelling): Murph! Lunch!

The disciples and followers gather.

Murphy (coming forward with the lunch sack and Judas): Here it is. I think we have peanut butter and chips again. Chicken salad would be nice, but it’d spoil…or would it? I guess you could fix it when you multiply it.

Jesus (taking the sack): Ah, Murphy–a Gentile without doubt. Let’s give thanks. Peter, you do it.

Peter (startled): Will it work if I do it? I’ve never multiplied before.

Jesus: Sure, I’m here. I’ll help.

Peter prays and there are sandwiches and chips to spare.

Murphy: Jude-ass wants you to give him lottery numbers. (Judas punches him in the arm.)

Jesus (raised eyebrow): Murph…stop it. Love one another.

Murphy: Sorry, but you could do it couldn’t you? You’re God, so I’m thinkin’ you can.

Jesus (looking at Murphy and Judas): Well, yeah, I can.

Judas (expectantly): Well?

Jesus (smiling): Okay, today’s digits are the smallest real number more than one that is a perfect square, perfect cube, fourth, fifth through tenth powers.

Judas (getting out a slate; walking away): Hmm. 2×2, 4, x2, 8, x2…

Murphy (to Jesus): Will he get it?

Jesus: Not today.

Murphy (sitting under a fig tree with Jesus): The other guys don’t push it much, but I sort of wonder…you are God, so I’m guessin’ you can do more than heal and multiply, right? You obviously know algebra and that’s impressive.

Jesus (drawing in the dirt): I like numbers. Like what are you wondering?

Murphy: Well, can you fly? Be two places at once? Talk with animals?

Jesus: Why?

Murphy (smiling): Just wondering…it’d be neat to see. Maybe something for the Jerusalem crew. They want some signs or wonders. How ’bout we fly into the Temple courtyard and land like a bunch of Power Rangers?

Jesus (smiling): Why don’t I just make their legs grow together until they recognize me as their messiah?

Murphy: That’d work, too. I think you could do it if you wanted, but you don’t do anything unless your Father tells you and he doesn’t seem to work like that. More a personal approach.

Jesus: Yeah, I, we, like to lean toward faith and love. We’re calling everyone, but not everyone listens. They’ve hardened their hearts so much they’re stone–tombstones.

Murphy: Hmm. Stoners. Thanks for letting my ears hear.

Jesus: My pleasure, Murph. When it’s all said and done, I’m going to Jerusalem and will give ’em a sign and wonder they’ll not believe, but not forget.

Murphy: More impressive than being able to fly?

Jesus: Definitely.


Tr8: Jesus is more than you imagine. He can hold the universe in the span of his hand.


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