Posts Tagged ‘forgiveness’

Jesus is sitting with the disciples in Waffle House early one morning. Everyone is tired, but James and John just had to have waffles. So, they all went, packed into two cars. Murphy, the “13th” disciple came on his motorcycle.

Peter: Jesus, it’s late, but I need to tell you I did something I’m not proud of.

Jesus: I know, you ran a red light on the way here.

Peter: Well, that wasn’t what I was thinking about.

Jesus: You also had mean thoughts about Murphy.

Peter: Ouch! Sorry, Murph. You’re just so unlucky. But, that’s not it either.

Jesus: So, are we gonna sit here and play ‘guess my sin?’

Peter: No. I was the one who passed gas in the car, but didn’t claim it. I think everyone thought Bartholomew did it.

Bartholomew: See! I told you it wasn’t me.

Jesus: Guys, it should not surprise you at this point that I know all your sins. Right?

John (pouring blueberry syrup on his waffles): Yea. You know everything. Even about Peter. Glad I was in the other car.

Jesus: I even know what you are GOING to do wrong. For instance, Judas is going to undertip the waiter.

Judas: Uh-uh. I’m planning on tipping 20%.

Jesus (rolls his eyes): Truth is, I’ve already forgiven the sins you are going to commit.

Judas (surprised): Does that include me?

Jesus (gazing into Judas’ eyes): We’ll see. Those who love me will be loved.

Thomas: So you know that I’m…

Jesus (as Thomas empties the salt shaker): …going to dump out the salt shaker? Yeah. That was mean. Judas, tip 25%.

Murphy: So, when we pray for forgiveness, we’re only agreeing with what you already know.

Jesus (eyebrows raised): Yeah, Murph. That’s right. Well played.

Peter: I knew that. So, you’ve already forgiven us for what we haven’t, already, done yet.

Jesus: Yep. You guys are mine. In me, the price is paid in full. As long as you come back to me. You’ll be fine.

John (thoughtfully): As long as we come back to you. Cool. Are you going to eat the rest of your bacon?

Jesus: This is turkey bacon, and yes, I’m going to eat it and the rest of Nathaniel’s.

John (grabbing Jame’s last piece of bacon): That works for me.

Tr8: In Christ, the deal is done as long as you keep coming back to him.

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While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man named Judas Iscariot came along who was covered with poison ivy. When he saw Jesus, he showed him his blisters and begged him, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”

Jesus reached out his hand and touched Judas. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” And immediately the poison ivy blisters left him.

Then Jesus ordered him, “Don’t tell anyone, but go, show yourself to the priest and offer the sacrifices that Moses commanded for poison ivy, as a testimony to them.”

The news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses.

Jesus had just healed a women with warts when Judas returned. Judas said, “Master, It’s been a week and I’ve gone to the priest. Moses didn’t say anything about poison ivy.”

Jesus said, “You error, not knowing the Scripture and the power of God. Many’s the time I’ve avoided this, but that the Father may be glorified — Judas, drop what’char’doin and follow me.”

Judas was moved. He mashed out his cigar under the toe of his sandle and said, “Like Andrew and Peter?” A tear came to Jesus’ eye and he said, “Yeah, like Matthew, sorta.” Slowly he moved forward and embraced Judas, saying, “Peace be with you, Judas.” Judas replied, “And also with you.”

Jesus wept.

And thereafter Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.

When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders. “I have sinned,” he said, “for I have betrayed innocent blood.”

“What is that to us?” they replied. “That’s your responsibility.”

So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.

Tr8: What does love your enemy look like? Can one wish better for Judas than Jesus?  Here’s an idea: what if we started a $1 million Judas Iscariot Fund and tried to redeem his name by helping others in Jesus’ name? Call me screwed up, but I wish sometimes…

Luke 5 and a bunch of others verses — a regular scavenger hunt of Scripture blips.

LLHJesus is sitting at Starbucks drinking a tall French roast – black. Andrew and Peter walk in, order a couple of double-shot espressos.

Peter (looking at Jesus): What if I didn’t pay for my drink?

Jesus (smiling): You’d be in trouble, but I’d forgive you.

Andrew: What if I lied on my income taxes?

Jesus (shaking his head): I’d forgive you, too.

Peter: What if I cheated on my wife?

Jesus (raised eyebrows): I’d forgive you.

Andrew: What if punched Peter in the face?

Jesus (still smiling): I’d forgive you.

Peter (shoving Andrew): What if I threw Andrew off a cliff?

Jesus: I’d be sad, but I’d forgive you. Here’s the deal: Whatever the crime, I’m lettin’ you know I’ll forgive you ahead of time. The Father and I love you unconditionally.

Andrew: Isn’t that dangerous? We could go do whatever we wanted and then come back knowing you’d accept us and forgive us and everything would be fine.

Peter: Yeah, What’s the point of the rules if we know in advance we can get away with anything? You ARE saying we can get away with anything, right?

Jesus: Yep. And see, everything would be fine…but you’d know it could be better. That’s the whole thing. I want you to see what you’re REALLY like. It’s like watching people when they think no one is looking. My forgiveness produces the ‘no one’s looking’ context. It makes you choose between, ‘Can I get away with this?, or ‘Should I want to get away with this?’ If you go ahead and do something you KNOW I don’t like, you HAVE to ask yourself, what kind of love is that?!

Andrew: Of course, you’re right. As usual. When our love is transparent, others’ actions also become transparent.

Jesus: Ahh, Andrew. Yes. Unconditional love requires grace, mercy and sacrifice, but yields pure love. The Father and I bring you love and life, but it’s not in you, it’s in us because we are the ideal — we’re perfect. You do the will of those you really love.

Peter: Actually, your forgiveness is a little dangerous! It exposes bad love.

Jesus: The unforgivable sin is to not love others in this way — to be totally self-serving and self-consumed. People who can’t think beyond themselves act like god. I am the way, truth and life. No one comes to the Father, except my way — the way of love.

Peter: Jesus, I know you love that cinnamon coffee cake. Can I get you a piece?  Rew, you want one?

Tr8: Love one another unconditionally. Live unconditionally.

RiuniteMurphy (the non-disciple) plays croquet with James, John and their mom, Salome in Mary’s front yard in Jerusalem. Salome has just penalty hit John’s ball under the pigeon coop as Jesus watches.

Jesus: Hey, Murph, I need you to run down to Roma’s to pick up three big bottles of Lambrusco and some French bread.

Murphy (the non-disciple, dropping everything): Sure, but first, I wish you’d…

Jesus: Granted.

Murph: Wait! You didn’t even let me finish!

Jesus: Okay, finish.

Murph (sighing): I wish you’d forgive me for my sins–I’ve tried not to, but I’ve been lusting.

Jesus: You wish you weren’t that way?

Murph (dejected): Yeah…

Jesus: You’re forgiven, stop doing that.

Murph: I try, but it’s like the weather almost…morning, partly lazy with a 60% chance of lust before noon, then gluttony turning into murderous thoughts by afternoon, then scattered guilt and 100% full guilt by sunset.

Jesus: Follow me a bit closer.

Murph (stepping closer): Okay.

Jesus (eyes rolling): I mean in your head, spiritually–stay close.

Murph: Oh…  After your Mountain Sermon I’ve been thinking…about offending parts. I figure I need to cut my feet off, then my hands, cut out my tongue, poke out my eyes–I guess my ears are okay…

Jesus: Led Zeppelin?

Murph: Yeah, gouge out my ears, too.        I’m a mess. I’m really sorry.

Jesus: Murph, who am I?

Murph: Well, you’re the Messiah, God’s anointed, Son of God…God among us.

Jesus: So, I know it all Murph. What you’ve done. What you will do. Everything. And I forgive you. Stop worrying about it. Go get the wine and French bread. I’m going to do something special tonight. It’s going to be a crazy week.

Murph (doubtfully): I’ll go, but I bet I’ll sin on the way….

Jesus: Murph. Keep your mind on me and what I have you doing. I appreciate your concern, but you’re going overboard. I need you to work with me and be of some use. Just don’t get confesstipated like Judas, he’s rarely sorry.

Murph: Oh, nuts! I called him a fool and an idiot about his cigars. Murder…

Jesus: Forgiven.

Murph: I

Jesus: Forgiven.

Murph: We’re okay?

Jesus: Yeah, Murph. We’re okay. I forgive everybody of everything, if they’ll just believe I can.

Murph (hugs Jesus): Okay, three bottles of Lambrusco and French bread. Some pastries or pasta? Their cannelloni is amazing.

Jesus: Murph, you’re blessed ’cause I’m here with you. People in the future are going to have to trust me without seeing me. Blessed are they that mourn their condition–they shall be comforted.

Murph: This has been a weird week, with the donkey and palms and hosannas and stuff.And, this weekend’s execution of the rebels and Barabas gives me the willies.

Jesus (winking): Well, things are going to get bad, but I have a big surprise for you on Sunday.

Murph (excited): What?! Tell me!

Jesus: You’ll see everything–really you all will SEE I can’t not be alive. We’ll talk about it at dinner tonight.

_________________________

Tr8: Confession is good for the heart, but don’t become useless confessing when you ought to be walking in faith.

Last supper coming.

Jesus and Murphy (the non-disciple) are in the market at a taco cart. They’ve just come from a Carpenters Guild meeting. Murphy’s wearing an eye patch and limping from a fight he had with some scribes and pharisees who tried to stone a gay guy. The pharisees were in Forest Lawn Memorial Hospital in Capernaum.

Jesus: This is my treat.

Murphy: Really? Aww, thanks. I’ll get ’em next time.

Jesus (to Jose Fuentes, the cart owner): Jose, we’ll take four ‘El Gigantes’  and two Jarritos.

Jose (grinning): ¡Jesus! ¿Esta bein? (Jesus hands him some coins, but Jose refuses them.)¡Qué! Your denaro is no good here, Salvador.

Murphy (smiling): Forget what I said ’bout next time (as he carries the Jarritos to a nearby table under an umbrella).

Jesus smiles, nods, grabs some napkins and carries the tacos in a small cardboard box over to the table. They sit.

Murphy: I’m still not sure why you let yourself be seen with me.

Jesus (unwrapping a taco): You’re my kind of people, Murph.

Murphy: Thanks, but you know I’ve really messed up my life. It’d take me forever to remember everything…if I could.

Jesus: I know. Listen, don’t worry. I’m fixing it. In fact, it’s already fixed. I’ve even fixed the stupid things you haven’t done yet.

Murphy: What?

Jesus: Yeah, I’m going back, forward, whatever and cleaning things up. By the time we get to the Father, it’ll be finished. You know the outhouse you set on fire when you were 13 in Irbid? Behind your grandparent’s house? I’ve already fixed that. Good as new — standing in heaven with a new coat of paint.

Murphy: You fixed it?

Jesus: Yep. Adam screwed everything up. I’m unscrewing it.

Murphy: I don’t get it, but I guess I believe it. You’re saying you can redo history.

Jesus: I can, and am, redoing history. You’ll be amazed when you see the Father’s original plan completed. Adam and Eve are really pumped about this.

Murphy: You are going to go back and straighten out my mistakes and make things good?

Jesus: Murph, in me, you are a new creation. Old things are gone ALL things are new. When I forgive sin, I clean up the mess. If you believe in me, believe also that I go and do as I please. I please to redo history from Adam onward. On your way to heaven I’ll fix things. You’ll see heaven after I’ve cleaned up your messes.

Tr8: Trust Christ completely with your past. What can’t he do if he has a mind to? What can’t he make new?  2 Corinthians 5:17