Posts Tagged ‘John’


Posted: May 17, 2012 in Humor
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

It’s 5 o’clock P.M. on the docks near the fish market in Capernaum. Peter grabs the back of Andrew’s shorts and pulls with all his might. Peter and James burst out laughing.

Andrew: Peter Pan, that wasn’t funny.

Peter: Was to me. What’d you think James?

James: Yeah, funny to me, too.

Andrew (throwing a fish at Peter’s head): You are such a jerk!

Peter (ducking): Andwew’s gettin’ mad. Poooow Andwew.

Andrew: Shut. up. Pan.

Peter (taking a swing a Andrew): Stop calling me that, you twirp.

Andrew deflects the shot and walks away. John follows, throwing his arm over Andrew’s shoulder.

Andrew (yelling back over his shoulder): See who helps with the nets tonight, Pan.

John looks back over his shoulder and makes a “settle down” motion with his free hand.

Andrew: Pete makes me so mad. I gotta get outa this place.

John: Sorry.

Andrew (walking quietly, kicks a stone): Have you heard about John Zechariahson down on the Jordan? He’s been calling out the Pharisees. Preaching the end is coming and people better repent and get their lives straight.

John: Yeah, I heard. What’s up with that?

Andrew: I don’t know, but I could use a change of scenery. I think I’ll go see what the chatter’s all about.

John: You’re just gonna leave?

Andrew: Maybe. I’ll tell Mom, I guess. I can’t breath around here anymore. If I don’t see Pete again that’ll be okay.

John: Hmmm. Mind if I go with you?

Andrew: Sure.

Andrew and John go by their homes, grab a few things and head south. They spend the night on the road. They ask around and finally arrive out in the middle of nowhere. A small crowd is gathered and a guy is standing in the river yelling.

Baptizer: The Messiah is coming! Get things straight before it’s too late! Repent!

Listener: I repent!

Baptizer: I baptize you with water, but there’s one coming who will baptize you with fire and the Holy Spirit.

Pharisee (from the shore): Who are you? Elijah? or Elisha? or whichever is coming back before the Messiah?

Baptizer: I am a voice yelling in the wilderness, ‘Make straight the way for the Lord.’ You think my “repent” sermon is something? Wait until the Messiah rips into you guys. You’re gonna want to kill him.

Pharisee: You are overwrought. We would never wish evil upon one come from God.

That afternoon Andrew and John are baptized and join the Baptizer’s entourage. They become the Baptizer’s disciples. In the evening around the campfire they ask the Baptizer about the Messiah.

Andrew: Who is the Messiah? When will he come?

Baptizer: Jesus, he’s my cousin. He’ll come along soon.

Andrew: Your cousin? What makes him the Messiah?

Baptizer: Follow him around for a day. You’ll see.

One day Jesus comes to the Jordan and the Baptizer lights up like a firecracker.

Baptizer: Look! The Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world! This is the Messiah! I can’t hold a match to this guy!

Andrew and John look at each other, grab their stuff, wave goodbye to the Baptizer (who winks and waves) and follow Jesus.

John (to Jesus): Teacher. Where are you staying?

Jesus: Come and see.

So they went where he was staying and spent that day with him. By the end of the day Andrew and John were amazed. As the sun was setting Andrew grabbed his stuff.

Jesus (nodding and smiling): Rew, see you back here in a few days.

John: Where you headed?

Andrew: Home. I have to get Peter.

Tr8: Love brings siblings to Jesus.

I like to think about the flesh-and-blood lives of those who knew Jesus. The Witnesses. The people who saw it all. In their lives we see tr8s of Christ.

2day I’m looking at John. Imagine Jesus and John walking down the road with their arms on each other’s shoulders — close.  John is telling a funny story about Jesus’ cousin nearly drowning a Pharisee in the Jordon.

John was a “hugger” and so was Jesus. They were comfortable with proximity.

John and his older brother, James, were the sons of Zebedee and Salome. Jesus called the brothers “The Sons of Thunder”.  Gospel readers know him as the “disciple Jesus loved”. The Catholic Church refers to him as St. John “The Evangelist”.

Originally, he was just a fisherman with an eye on bigger, spiritual things.

John was probably a follower of John the Baptist with two other brothers, Peter and Andrew. As the story goes, the Baptizer points out his cousin – “There goes the guy who’ll take away the sins of the world” – so John decides to follow him a bit. John followed for a few days as disciple-on-loan from Cousin John. Then, he went back to fishing. Later, Jesus officially calls the brothers out at the lake.

In the lists of the Apostles John is always in the top four — usually third, after Peter and his older brother, James. These three were Jesus’ inner circle and were the only witnesses of the raising of Jairus’s daughter, the Transfiguration and Jesus’ night of prayer at Gethsemane.

James, John, and their mother, Salome, were positioned powerfully in Jesus entourage. At one point Salome drags her sons to Jesus and they ask to be his left- and right-hand guys – his capos.  I suspect Jesus smiled.

John and Peter were sent to prepare for the Last Supper. At the supper John sits next to Christ and leans n2 him. John was comfortable in his own skin and was a rel8er — probably an emotional guy. As a “Son of Thunder” I’m guessing people kept their distance.  As a disciple John appears a “hugger” and a team-builder. I imagine he was the kind of guy who would throw his arm over your shoulder and whisper something funny in your ear. He and Barnabas, “the Encourager”, were probably close friends.

John was the “other disciple” (besides Peter) who followed Christ after his arrest n2 the high-priest’s palace. He was bold. He was confident. He knew people in the household, naming two in his gospel. He had none of Peter’s misgivings in the courts. Peter lingers at the gate. John went in. John remembered names.

John was the only disciple to remain with Jesus all the way to the cross. He protected protected and cared for the women who were mourning. Jesus entrusted him with his mother. John cared for Mary from that point forward even though she had other sons and daughters.

After Jesus rose, John ran ahead of Peter to the get to the tomb first get to the tomb. He was the first to believe. He was also one of the first to recognize Jesus back at the lake after a night of fishing with the boys.

After Christ’s ascension Peter and John guided the first church. In Acts, Peter and John are the first to return to the Temple to preach, where they heal a man lame from birth. He and Peter are reprimanded and  flogged. Together and they visit the new converts in Samaria.

John probably stayed in Jerusalem for a dozen years – until Herod Agrippa killed his older brother (Acts 12:2). John goes into Asia Minor and sets up shop in Ephesus, taking Mary, Jesus’ mother, with him.

Can you imagine those conversations?

John returns with the other disciples to Jerusalem for the Jerusalem Council around 51 A.D. John returned to Ephesus a few years later.

Justin Martyr refers to “John, one of the Apostles of Christ” who lived “with us” in Ephesus. Irenæus says John wrote his gospel in Ephesus and lived there until the reign of Trajan. According to Eusebius, during the reign of Domitian John is exiled to Patmos, an island south of Ephesus. Tertullian wrote John was thrown into a cauldron of boiling oil near the Latin Gate in Rome and survived without injury. After Domitian’s death John returned to Ephesus and died around 100 A.D. of old age. Tradition says John refused to stay under the same roof with a guy named Cerithus. Wonder what that was about. He also was worried about a youth who had become a robber. He mentored Polycarp, who was a second generation martyr.

In his declining years he was said to repeat, “Little children, love one another!”

Tr8: Love one another.