Posts Tagged ‘prodigal son’

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Once there was a nice couple who had a son and daughter (who remarkably resembled actors).

The son graduated from college and entered the family business.

The daughter stole from everyone to fund her cigarette, alcohol, and prescription drug habits. After a serious surgery, she stole her mother’s pain medication. She aborted her first child as a teenager. She quit school. She was in one abusive relationship after another.

When the parents offered to help she became angry.

She hated them.

She left and rarely came home. The parents knew she returned secretly because things were missing.

One night, under the influence of hydrocodone, she put her newborn in the front seat of her car to go for cigarettes. She crossed the centerline into oncoming traffic. The other driver was killed and the child was lost.

The daughter went to prison. She became a lesbian and tattooed her lover’s name on her forearm. She refused see her parents when they visited. After three years she was granted parole. By this time she realized how good she had it at home and decided to return. She planned an apology and request to work as cleaning lady in the family business.

When she got off the bus she was surprised to find her parents waiting.  She said, “I’m really messed up. I’ve…I’m…”

Before she could say another word her parents embraced her. They took her shopping, to a salon, and made evening reservations for four at her favorite restaurant.

When it was time to go, the mother noticed the older brother had not come downstairs. The mother knocked on his door and said, “Why don’t you come down? We’re taking your sister out.”

“Hell, I’ve been working for you slave-drivers for years and you’ve never gotten this excited about me! Sis is a world-class screw-up and you want to take her out on the town?”

“Plus, she stole my iPhone.”

“Son, we replaced your iPhone — you have everything! …and we’ve taken you out dozens of times. We love both of you regardless of what you’ve done. Don’t you see? We had to celebrate and be glad, because your sister was all but dead and now she is alive again. She was in prison, but is home!”

The son only grew angrier. He stomped out of the house and drove off in the new car his parents bought for him.

He hated them.

This is a true adaptation of a story told by someone else about events that happened to people who don’t exist to demonstrate a point.  

Republished from April 23, 2012

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peter’s parable

Posted: May 13, 2012 in Humor
Tags: , , , , ,

“Hey, Jesus, listen. I think I have a parable you can use.”

“Once there was a man who had two sons. The younger son said to his brother, ‘I burned your baseball glove,’ and to his father, ‘let’s play like you are dead and I inherent half your estate.'”

“The father kicked him hard and said, ‘You imbecile, you are going straight to hell.’ Then the younger son died and went to hell. The father went to the older son and said, ‘Let that be a lesson to you.'”

“…oh, yeah…Whoever has ears, listen up.”

Jesus looked at Peter for a long moment and said, “Let me work on that one. You have the seed of a good story, but it needs a different ending.”

Tr8: Polish. Sometimes a bad start is better than doing nothing. God can transform our crazy ideas into a transcendent vision.